CH/safety/AOS

"In all this chaos, we found safety."

ramblings

fly on wings made of lead, crash with the guidance of angels, limit infinity and swim on the sun, keep your starry eyes on the ground and your feet in clouds while you mumble the lullabies of alternate realities to the graves in your front yard, kill em. miss me on other planets but don't watch out for returns of comets watched on hills in the city you once knew when you flew behind on the tails with the wings that now have crushed you into the sky; your blinded mind can't hear them, and your muted tongue can't taste the levels digressed as days reverse and nights are lit with the fires of stares and the friction of eyes on empty pages full to the edges and overflowing with what they crave, ripped again and taped with yells you write a story without being aware, the earth turns inside out and your ghosts revive your fears and induce a coma to which a song is sung, calm and sharp in the society of the dead minded.

evol

ti eveileb t'nac.

it's funny that if you were to use phonics and sound out evol, love backwards, it sounds like evil. what a beautifully divided paradox.

vulnerable

open shell wide open ripped apart emotions unveiled in your arms you see through me and it scares me but i enjoy someone knowing my insides for once in my life i've become without control of what you see and what i feel and i'm falling but you'll catch me right?

Crash Pad

I feel like once I reach a certain level of happiness and things being alright, there's a crash period. Like now, I feel weird. Almost out of body. It could very well be the fact that I've gone to bed at 4:30AM for the past two days, but this isn't the first time this has happened. The difference this time is that I'm still happy to an extent, I just feel strange and a little down. The kind of down where I just want to lay in the dark and stare at the ceiling. Now that I've got a record player that may be a bit more enjoyable.

New Year Perspectives

I suppose a blog is in order to kick off the new year, so salu-fuckin'-tations from 2010.

My grammy says that this next decade, in contrast with the one just passed, is basically going to kick ass. "This New Years Eve is a great one, you know why? Because it's a full moon, and not only that, but a blue moon too. AND Mercury is in retrograde, which means there's a lot of good energy coming our way. Tell all your friends that I told you this and that your generation is in for a treat." (Needless to say, I love my grammy to death).

So following that, I've got some pretty dang high expectations for the years to come. The year is definitely starting out well though. Spent New Years Eve with Alex[ander]; just really laid back and relaxed (despite the fact that I had an insane headache for whatever reason), and partied with the twin til 4:30 in the morning, playing with ISO and light painting. Fatigue took most of our creativity unfortunately, but we got a couple of good shots. Woke up at 1PM at Laura's, drove to Starbucks, got drinks, ate bearclaws, talked about hair, drove home, and ate roast beast. Then went back to the boyfriend's house and hung out for the rest of the night, talking bout cameras and other various things, and watching ghost adventurers, possibly the worst ghost show on television.

So it's not New Years day anymore, by an hour and thirty minutes, and the year is officially off to a start. We go back to school on Monday unfortunately, so I should probably finish up some homework tomorrow and get it out of the way. Speaking of education, I got home tonight (after not being home for almost a straight week), and got my acceptance letter to Cal State Fullerton. The best part about this lovely piece of paper is that it guarantees me my freedom to stay in California while the rest of my family moves to Flagstaff shortly after I graduate. I'm thinking about having a one person dance party in my room in celebration. Now here's something that's starting to happen that's making me a little sad that my family is in fact moving; my mom and I are finally getting along well. And saying well is probably an understatement cause we're getting along better than my dad and I are at this point in time which is really saying a lot. So now that this is finally shaping up and I'm really enjoying having my mom be more of a friend than she has been ever, they're gonna move. Guess I can't always win aha.

I'm kicking off the start of twenty-ten with flickr updeets and blog updeets and all of that jazz. Getting things rolling and in motion. It's weird to think that I'm graduating this year, and that last year went by so fast. But I'm also extremely grateful due to the fact that, for the first time since I started this blog, or even before, I'm genuinely happy. Whether it be because I finally found a guy who I really connect with and am comfortable with, or because I'm finally seeing who I am and accepting that, or even because I've kept my best friends throughout this all, and I've made amazing new ones, I'm finally, after who knows how long, pretty content with life. I was at a Barnes n' Noble in Arizona the past week, and I found this FAT book on Andy Warhol. I've always been interested in him, and have read up and seen his work, but I was reading that book and my perspective on things once again took another shift. Mind you, I absolutely love it when this happens; I welcome new perspectives with open arms. I love the feeling I get and the way, for the rest of the day at least, I look at things differently, think differently, feel like I'm wandering through different portals. Anyways, I was reading through and looking at all the work he did, and it refreshed in my mind that, quite obviously, this man did not fit in with the rest of the world; didn't get cut from the same mold in the least, but he didn't care. He used that and ran long and far with it, which is what made him who he was; a talented artist and a very interesting, intriguing person who did things for very different reasons than most. As perspectives tilted I found myself thinking you know, everyone says you should go where you fit in; find that niche. But I really like the ability and the push behind saying fuck you to the people who don't accept you for who you are. I find liberation in being different. And I really like finding people who do accept you for who you are, because these people are usually extremely genuine and different in their own ways. Another thing was the definition and the general standard of beauty in the world. Andy made a point of saying that something very obviously beautiful, if caught in the wrong light is no longer beautiful, and vice-versa. Basically challenging what beauty is. In today's society, I see beauty in things that maybe aren't outwardly beautiful. Anyways, things that are outwardly and very in your face beautiful are more often than not fake and fabricated. Whether it be a person or material possessions. Find beauty in the grunge of things, find it in the inside, find it in ideas. Look at things from different angles, whether these angles be literal or just in mind, and see if you can find the beauty in just about everything. The most beautiful things are hidden, so dig. Beauty has become a very manufactured quality. Stop production please. This is only scratching the surface of things really, and it's all very much me rambling, but what's a blog for?

Streams of consciousness are steadily turning into streams of UNconsciousness, so I'm going to knock out.

Happy New Years, let's hope Grammy is right.